Recovery is a flawed premise.
After my day with Jack and Charlotte, I decided I needed to pull myself together.
I didn’t particularly want to, but Jack was right about me rising like a phoenix. I had that in me. And Charlotte, good Lord, Charlotte clearly needed her friend back.
However, things quickly went awry… as they are wont to do.
And now I was back in the very last place I ever wanted to be.
Staring at cream colored walls, listening to various machinery whir and beep, and watching men and women rush to and fro outside my door. I was mind-numbingly bored and completely angry at myself.
“I have a delivery for you, Sabrina.” Abbigail, my nurse, came through the door with a stunning bouquet of pink roses.
I wasn’t enthused because I knew who they’d be from. There was only one person who’d been up late enough last night and who would have been informed by the hospital that I was here.
“Thank you. Any word of when I can leave?” May as well get straight to the point.
Abbigail set the flowers on the table beside my bed and checked a few settings on the machine I was hooked up to.
“The doctor will have to decide, but everything looks good. I’m not sure…”
“Oh, Sabrina, I was worried.” Raquel rushed in the room with her arms ready to draw me into a hug, which she immediately did.
~ 1 ~
“I’ll let you enjoy your visitor.” Abbigail smiled and quickly left the room.
Being admitted in the middle of the night had its blessings. No one was going to get my texts until the morning, so I had a few hours of absolute peace.
Relative peace, Raquel obviously not withstanding.
“I’m fine.” I tried to brush off her concern.
She pulled a chair up close to the bed, sat down, then took my hand in hers and began to rub it, with my palm up.
“Were you there this morning?” I felt a little guilty because she looked like she hadn’t slept all night, and if so, that was most likely my fault.
“I wasn’t, but they called me, obviously. Yoga, at 3 am? Really?” She scolded me like I was five years old.
I laid my head back on the pillow for a second to consider my defense.
“Okay, maybe I overdid it a little, but these past couple of weeks—” I raised my head and looked at her, now ready to defend my actions. “—I’ve gotten so much stronger. I can get up the stairs at my apartment. I can stand for ten minutes or so before things start to hurt. I’m not needing twelve naps a day.”
I sighed. Because while I knew all that was true, I also knew what I’d done was stupid.
“Darling, that’s incredible and wonderful, but there’s such a thing as balance. You cannot push your body harder than it’s willing to go.”
“Agreed.” Dr. Noah stepped into the room, taking us both by surprise.
This was the doctor in charge of my care for the better part of three years. From the time I was moved to this hospital after they’d pretty much given up all hope of my ever-regaining consciousness. He was hot, and he was nice enough, but I still think if he’d had it his way, I’d be dead right now. So it was a little hard to be all warm and fuzzy with him.
“Dr. Noah, this is Raquel. Raquel, Dr. Noah.” Pleasantries were exchanged. Then he turned his look to me, and I readied myself for the lecture ahead.
~ 2 ~
“All your vitals are strong, the tests don’t show any issues. Your electrolytes were off, but we seemed to be able to correct that overnight. I’m going to release you, but no more 3am yoga classes. While I’m impressed with the progress you’ve made, you need to give the body recovery time. I’m not going to admonish you for wanting to get your strength back, but try to find some balance, okay?”
He stared at me until I nodded in agreement.
“Look, Sabrina, I respect your position on not seeking follow up medical care, but I’m available if you change your mind.” He smiled, nodded at Raquel, then left the room.
I was sulky and not even sure why. I was getting out, which was all I wanted.
“Sabrina, another bouquet just arrived for you!” Abbigail came in with even more enthusiasm than the first time.
“Thanks.” I grimaced. “I’m actually getting out of here, so Abbigail, why don’t you just take them both… and any others that may show up today.”
Because I knew there were more deliveries coming.
“Oh, that’s great about you going home. I’ll go see if I can get the paperwork going.” Abbigail left the second bouquet on the dresser and left.
I looked at Raquel, quietly sitting in her chair, seemingly serene and very still.
“Let me take you to lunch once you’re released.” Raquel offered sweetly.
“I appreciate it, but honestly, I just want to go home and sleep.” And be alone.
But adding that would’ve been rude.
Since that afternoon with Jack, I hadn’t felt numb anymore.
I felt like an emotional volcano ready to erupt in any manner of ways at any moment and I couldn’t control it.
I’d vacillate from anger, to tears, to frustration, to determination… still waiting on the more positive aspects of my emotional rainbow to appear, and I tried to be confident they eventually would.
~ 3 ~
“I’d like to set you up with a more consistent plan. Just so you have a framework.” She pushed.
I hated admitting I was wrong, ever. I think it was because I spent all of my life taking the blame for everything. Now I didn’t want to take it for anything.
Maybe I did have a problem with the concept of balance.
“I promise, I’ll come into the spa in the next few days, and we’ll talk. I’m just not up for it today.” I was humiliated, to be truthful. I passed out doing yoga and had to be taken away in an ambulance.
Part of me wasn’t sure I could ever show my face again at the spa. There had only been three people there at the time, but I understand gossip and it’s a small spa. By the time I go back, everyone’s going to know and they already stare at me half the time like I’m a freak. Now this.
“Attention whore.” Jack’s voice boomed into the room as only his head appeared in the door from around the corner.
“Jack, how lovely.” Raquel stood and met Jack halfway across the room.
She immediately placed her hand on his left earlobe.
It was all I could do to keep from snickering, and I’m not at all sure a tiny snicker didn’t escape.
“It’s nice to see you, too, Raquel.” Jack grimaced and shot me the well-worn death look over Raquel’s head.
They were a funny pair, really. Raquel couldn’t have been much more than five feet tall and Jack was over six feet.
“Well, I’m going to go get Freya off to school, I guess. Take care of her.” She spoke to Jack, then looked back at me. “And I’ll see you in a few days.”
I nodded agreement.
As she left the room, Jack came in and kissed the top of my head before looking at the flower arrangements.
~ 4 ~
“From your mother?” He raised a brow.
“Who else?” I growled beneath my breath.
“I’m actually surprised she hasn’t shown up to take command.” Jack came around the bed and sat in the same chair Raquel had been in.
“I begged her not to. I’ve got enough trouble with nosy paparazzi without them finding out who I really am.
He squeezed my hand.
“I don’t envy your plight.”
I sighed and reached for my phone.
“I’m going to text Nora and Charlotte and let them know I’ll be home soon, so they don’t feel they have to come over.” I was beginning to wish I hadn’t texted them in the middle of the night in the first place, but I didn’t want them to freak if they realized I wasn’t home.
“So they’re springing you?” Jack reached for a magazine on my bedside table and flipped through it.
“Yeah. I just fainted. I was doing too much. I may have gotten a bit obsessive, but I won’t do it again.” Problem solved, right?
I sent the texts then set my phone back down next to my legs.
“I hate my body right now. I know most women would kill to be this thin, but I hate it.” Lying in bed hooked up to machines is not an advised diet plan. “I hate the terms coma, vegetative state, life support… and Christmas miracle, as well. Just to be clear.”
I folded my arms across my chest.
“Honey, it’s going to be okay.” Jack pried one of my hands free and squeezed it.
I exhaled and slumped back in the bed.
“I know I should feel more gratitude than this. I honestly don’t know why I don’t. My emotions are a mess, I’m disjointed, I feel out of place, I don’t know…”
~ 5 ~
“Hey, hey.” He climbed up on the bed and pulled me into his arms. “There aren’t any shoulds or shouldn’ts here. It all just is. You’ll recover, as you do. You’ll figure it out along the way. Just don’t block your friends from helping you. You’re loved and have so many people rooting for you.”
“Yeah, I know I do. Do you know how many offers I’ve gotten from people?”
I knew he meant my friends, but I was feeling caged and punchy, and being difficult and grouchy seemed the best option.
“What kind of offers?” He seemed lost.
“Every news show wants me on. I’ve got offers to be a spokesperson for a ton of crap. A few free vacation offers. Some people have opened up a Go Fund Me for me that already has twenty-four thousand dollars in it. Disney wants me to spend a night in their stupid castle…”
“Wait, what?” Jack sat straight up and stared at me with a light in his eyes that I hadn’t seen for quite some time.
“Oh no.” I refused. “I’m not doing it. I don’t care how you beg or guilt trip me. On this, it’s a hard no, buddy, and that’s that!”
~ 6 ~
Additional chapters can be found below.
The Memory of Magic ~ Samantha Lucas
Who noticed Dr. Noah and realized that was my homage to Rick Springfield?
Y’all must know by now that he was my first love, and I still adore him to this day!
That aside, a few secrets dropped here. Wondering who Sabrina’s mother is?
It’s complicated, but join me for this journey because it’s going to be unbelievably good!
This story is my gift to the world, to remind us all of hope and love and that even crazy dreams come true… if we have the courage to pursue them.
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Love to you, SO MUCH LOVE! ~ Samantha